No longer do we view the human experience so clinically but rather are asking the difficult questions about human connectedness to self and others. This is where sensate focus really can begin to shine. Masters and Johnson might not have been aware of the full benefits of sensate focus but they were laying the groundwork for understanding how humans psychologically process connection and body sensation; two very important aspects of life.

Sensate focus is known for its progressive approach and uses 3 primary principles to assist the brain in becoming less anxious with regard to sexual interaction. Controversial for its complete removal of sexual behavior from the equation, many people question how it could possibly work if you’re not actually “working” on sex. Here’s how:

• No-touch Zones: Entirely eliminating any form of sexual touch (genitals and breasts) to remove pressure from sex
• Alternating turns: Each partner takes turns engaging in non-sexual touching of the other
• Gradual Progression: Taking place over several weeks, sexual touch is slowly reintroduced in a controlled manner; allowing for the brain to feel safe and expectations to remain removed

Aspects of sensate focus can also help with:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• ADHD
• Trauma
• Communication
• Body image
• Intimacy
• Partner Connection
• Sexual Satisfaction
• Sexual Desire
• Body Awareness

Sensate focus is about more than just sex

Sensate focus is about mindfulness and grounding; both skills required in everyday life to cope with an activated nervous system. Stressors in the environment cause the stress response cycle to initiate and the need to reach the calm phase of the cycle becomes essential. Once the brain perceives a threat in the environment, it transitions into fight or flight. The threat is then identified correctly and a selection is made to manage it. The brain registers its survival and the nervous system must then be returned to baseline. Forms of safety that help the brain reset include positive social interaction, creativity, laughter, crying, and affection (www.ohsu.com). Sensate focus’s very foundation is built on this premise.

Mindful Touch

It’s not uncommon in this day and age to be so focused on the world around us, forgetting to slow down and tune into our body and thoughts. Instead we’re focused on the next thing, the goal and the strategy to get there. Never really slowing down to better understand ourselves and how we’re interacting with the world. Sensate focus forces us to slow down, to tune in, to process. The therapist you’re working with is specially trained to understand the role of trauma on the nervous system; this difficult and intricate work of pace and execution is pertinent.

The sensations learned by the brain begin as observation. Simply slowing down to feel and experience what is happening in the body when the tactile sense is engaged. How does the body physically respond? What thoughts come up? What beliefs are employed? Spending time following up in therapy allows the brain to process unhealthy and ineffective patterns, helping the person better understand themselves. The approach becomes about the individual, not just the couple.

Safe Touch

There are not many opportunities to receive safe touch when navigating life. Often even a partner’s touch can become unsafe to the brain, resulting in distance in the relationship; if left unattended, can undermine connection and the overall health of the relationship. Not only does removal of sexual touch and the progressive nature of sensate focus help the brain relearn safety, it allows both partners to practice autonomy and control of their own bodies— sometimes for the first time in their lives. This relearning process allows for each person to re-evaluate their own sexuality, past trauma and identify areas with which they can work with their therapist.

Self-Connection in Sensate Focus

As the previous experiences and beliefs are now being overwritten by new information, the brain has to understand how to file it. The new files being built of safety and mindfulness begin to rewire the brain toward joy and connection. The use of the No-Touch rule removes the need for the brain to gear itself for threat. Now, instead, the person can sit in their body and with themselves without fear of judgement or influence— two facets of life and sex often misunderstood or overlooked.

Self-connection begins to emerge, helping identify the sexual fingerprint; this process creates the ability to recognize what is necessary in one’s environment that leads to desire. Whether slowing down and being more intentional, patience from a partner or a quiet environment, learning what the brain and body need to experience desire can be responsible for the quality and safety of an intimate interaction. A person can begin to better get to know these aspects of themselves. Though sensate focus is used primarily to treat couples, the benefits for the individual can be far reaching.

Where to go from here

Allowing for a deeper understanding of one’s self, sensate focus has many benefits for both couples and individuals. It’s important to remember that this approach finds its value in the therapeutic relationship because of the therapist’s specialized training, whether acting as a mediator, guide or processor. This can help couples and individuals work through what comes up from them during the homework assignments, dissect their beliefs and identify ways to feel safe. Moreover, therapists are trained to navigate the complexities of identified or unidentified trauma; a necessity in preventing further trauma associated with sex and intimacy.

At Inner Body Works, we can help. Our therapist is trained to work with individuals and couples on issues related to stress management as well as self and couple connectedness. Don’t hesitate to reach out today!